Email Exchanges: Productive or Destructive?

Do these look familiar?

“Please don’t reply to all! Remove my name from this thread.” -- “And mine!” ---“And mine too!!”
“Have you read my email(s) yet?”
“FWIW, it’s CWOT. BM&Y. MMW”
“That’s CRAZY!!! Go back to it NOW! And make it work!!!!!”

How do they make you feel?

EMAILS ARE EVERYWHERE

Emails are an integral part of our daily life. There’s no escaping them. They can be very useful, or lead to miscommunications, or conflicts, as the sender and the recipient(s) may view the same message very differently. We, as conflict-resolution experts, assist many colleagues each year with issues stemming from email exchanges.

We all deal with high numbers of emails each day, particularly when an event or conference is approaching. Here are some tips on how to make the most efficient use of emails and avoid the tension and conflict that they can cause.

Know when to send an email

Emails are only one of the many available forms of communication. Generally, they are appropriate if you need to:

share a file electronically;
keep a written record of a communication;
transmit information to a large group; or
communicate with someone whose schedule doesn’t match yours.

Sometimes, however, it may be best for the parties to:

schedule a meeting/call instead of writing long, complicated messages, or engaging into a series of back-and-forth messages.
hand-deliver confidential information, as emails are never fully private.
talk with an ombudsman and seek options to de-escalate a situation instead of sending an emotionally charged message.

Ask yourself a few important questions

What am I trying to achieve?
Is an email the appropriate way?
Who needs to receive the message?

And please remember: when drafting, consider the recipient(s). Not everyone has the same command of the language, and our cultural backgrounds and personal experiences and sensibilities vary greatly. Even something as simple as “Please come to my office” may be understood in a variety of ways.

TIPS FOR FOSTERING PRODUCTIVE EMAIL EXCHANGES

How often do you draft or receive emails? Does the way in which the message is written matter to you?

The golden rule: be simple, direct and respectful

You want to show respect for the recipient(s) and their time, and ensure your message is understood as intended.

Here are a few more tips:

Start with a short, descriptive subject line. For example: “Meeting of 15 July 2019 with Paul - Minutes”.

The subject line may be the entire message; it should then end with EOM (End of Message) or NNTR (No Need to Reply). For example: “Deadline postponed to Friday. EOM”.
Choose a professional salutation like “Dear Linda”/ “Hello Javier”, but stay clear of “hi folks” / “hey guys.” If you are engaged in a discussion, you may omit the salutation on follow-up messages.
The ideal structure consists of three parts, in this order: purpose of your message, relevant context, and desired outcome/deadline. Very first exchange? Introduce yourself, and say who referred you, if applicable.
Be clear and concise. Focus on one topic, if possible.
Use short, meaningful sentences, organized in paragraphs or lists of separate thoughts, with appropriate grammar and punctuation. Do not use jargon. Remember: not everyone is completely familiar with the working language or our “UN-ese”.
Adapt the vocabulary and tone to your audience.
If you are writing to an ambassador, for example, the salutation is “Excellency” and a formal tone should be maintained in the email. Those colleagues who have to correspond a lot in in their jobs will find many useful tips in the .
Keep the message positive and civil. If you would not say it face-to-face to the person, then don’t send it.
Attach only those documents truly needed.
Re-read your message several times, check the tone, punctuation, and spelling, including those of names/places mentioned.
Conclude with a courteous sign-off such as “Best regards” or “Sincerely,” and add your signature block.
To avoid sending an unfinished email by mistake, add the recipients’ proper email address(es) last, using appropriately the “To:” (those who need to act) and “Cc:” (those who need to know).

AVOIDING THE TRAP OF DESTRUCTIVE EMAIL EXCHANGES

As we have noted above, some emails can create conflicts. Have you ever received angry rants or been overwhelmed with individual replies to group communications?

Watch out for email traps

As with any form of communication, there are social rules for using emails. Disregard them, and you may find yourself in an uncomfortable situation.

Here are some helpful reminders:

Not everything can or must be discussed by email. Sometimes, a conversation is most effective. If your email is very long or vague, contains many questions, requires extensive explanations, please schedule a meeting instead.
Only use “reply all” when you are certain that everyone copied must read your answer. Otherwise respond only to those who must know.
Avoid BCC: it’s deceiving, unless you are sharing with a large group some information which warrants no response, or moving out of the exchange a person who made introductions.
Beware of extreme punctuation, including multiple exclamation points; they make you appear unprofessional.
Use one colour for your message, generally black or grey, a readable font, and no background colour.
Words typed in uppercases indicate you are shouting.
“Txt speak” has no place in professional emails.
Never send emails when you are upset. Draft them, it’s cathartic! Just don’t hit send. Emails are not for revenge or score- setting. Remember, rude or emotionally charge emails will negatively affect you, and the recipient(s). Consulting an ombudsman may help you have the difficult conversation needed, in a dignified manner.
Never humiliate a colleague by replying to many recipients with negative comments.
Be careful with humour. Statements you intend to be funny can be interpreted as offensive, especially in such a culturally diverse environment as the United Nations workplace.
Emails are records: once you press send, it is too late to retract your words, even if you didn’t mean them or don’t recall typing them.
No email system is truly confidential: anyone in receipt of a message can copy, print or forward it; and all messages remain stored on servers, even after you delete them.

RESPONDING AND RESTORING PRODUCTIVE EMAIL EXCHANGES

What happens when you receive an offensive or problematic email? Do you hit the keyboard and respond in kind, ignore it, or do you find a way to diffuse the tension?

Time for a break!

Whatever your initial impulse, after reading the offensive email, just pause. Close the message. Breathe deeply. Get up and walk away from your desk.

The message you perceived as aggressive may have simply been written in a direct manner, or poorly worded.

Look for the good and try to see what the real message might be

Do you really need to respond? If not, then please don’t. If you do, how: by email or face-to-face?

If you decide to respond (by email, not by Skype or WhatsApp), take your time drafting your response, yet keep it short, and maintain professionalism, using no sarcasm or irony.

Still upset? Pause again

If you can, start with “Thank you for your email” or “Thank you for shedding some new light on the project” and look for something positive to highlight in your response. Being nice may not your first inclination, but it may work in your favour and disarm the other party.

Focus your message on facts and ask for more information. For example, a response to “I hope you will finally find the time to complete your assignment today” can be “My assignment is due on Friday. Are you needing a draft copy earlier?”.

Ask for help

If you don’t know how to respond, or if many colleagues were copied on the unsettling email, ask for help from a colleague or manager.

If the message was harmful, or a personal attack, or if it reflects repeated behaviour, it may be time to report it. Offensive messages can lead to a toxic work environment, affecting you, your health and the team’s work.

Worried? Come and meet an ombudsman confidentially. We will help you gain perspective, review your options and, if needed, coach you on how to respond appropriately.

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